What do women want and need in a relationship? Is there really an easy answer, I mean, women all differ along with their desires and needs.
In my quest to find answers, I soon found out that the very subject is a major area of turn on for men, around the globe. It unequivocally incites excitement at the mere thought of feasting the ears upon the hidden mysteries of woman. This goes to show that the desire and passion to understand women is definitely not lacking, so where does it go when played out in reality? Men don’t seem to be getting any closer to understanding the opposite sex as when this question first arose. Despite the many articles and opinionated friends in their face, ready and willing to offer their help and suggestions, the majority of men remain stumped.
Well men, I found that regardless of the woman, there are some basic wants and needs for all of our diverse complexities. No need to look any further, here’s some time saving tips for this timeless question.
Never Stop Wooing
Definition of wooing:
- To seek the affection of (someone, especially a woman) with the intent to marry or begin a romantic relationship.
In layman terms, never stop doing the things you did to get her, even after you’ve got her. If she was worth it then, she’s worth it now. Dinners, movies, compliments, texting…or even better, sexting. Don’t let the flame burn out when it’s just as easy to keep it going with some simple attention.
Affirmation and Praise “Make me feel/ like I’m the only girl in the world…”
All women and girls alike, want to feel special and unique. Irreplaceable. We don’t want to be made to feel as if we are run-of-the-mill, plain and simple. We want to be viewed as uncommon, extraordinary, standing out from all the rest. Give us the encouragement to be all that we can be, and the praise to make it worth it. Words of affirmation and praise such as ” I love you” “Good morning beautiful” can not only build up her self confidence, which will enhance your intimate relations, but is also expressing your devotion and desire at no cost to you; the benefits are priceless.
Loyalty and Commitment “..Why window shop
When you own this..”
Women want loyalty. No matter how many you may have loved before us, we want to know that while you are with us you’re with just us. It doesn’t mean that you should let your hands and mouth do the talking while your eyes do some walking. If you’ve got some wondering eyes, it’s fair to say that your devotion to the relationship is questionable. Respect and devotion go hand in hand and you’re not being respectful in heart when your eyes are devouring every beautiful passerby. There’s a difference between visual recognition and optical consumption..
If you’re having trouble in this area, perhaps it’s time to have a heart to heart and let her know how you’re feeling. Letting someone down easy is much better than possibly cheating, lying and causing further heartbreak. If you’re not fully in, get fully out.
Security In Officiality “..You gotta give me, give me all of your heart
I wanna be your, be your official girl, official girl..”
There’s a sense of security in exclusivity, if you want to keep her, make it official. This is time to show and prove your love, your faithfulness.
..”You gotta love me in the light and the dark..” Is she a hidden romance? A secret in your unkempt closet? If so, it’s time to shed some light on your heart’s desire, if it is truly that.. make necessary introductions to friends, and family if the conditions are right. Where there’s hesitation in this area, commitment is also questionable.
Time and Attention “No one is really busy, it all depends on what number you are on their priority list.”
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”
― Greg Behrendt“
Sound familiar guys? Don’t be an asshole. Don’t confuse, and don’t neglect time and attention. They are two very separate entities, albeit, under one umbrella…an umbrella much needed during the storms of love. You cannot get to know a person, in all fairness, without time and attention. You spend your time with them, giving your attention; paying attention. This isn’t just a want but a need. When either of these essentials are lacking, the relationship soon suffers. Yes, people get busy but there’s always enough hours in a day for a text message, a phone call or another form of ” Hey, I’m thinking of you.” If this feels like a chore to you, it’s a sure sign that your relationship has been dumped into the dirty laundry pile.. only attended to when necessary for your needs. A woman should always feel like a priority, not just an option.
Space “It’s not hot, that you be callin’ me
Stressin’ me, pagin’ my beeper
You’re just non stop, and it’s not hot
That you be leavin’ me messages every 10 minutes..
And then you stop by…”
Now, with time and attention comes space. Nobody appreciates suffocation. There are two ends of the spectrum and moderation is key. Don’t be a ‘bug-a-boo’. Prove she’s a priority without suffocation. Girls need space; alone time. Don’t take it personal. I’ve heard guys complaining about how women have unexplainable mood swings that can never be understood. Well, chances are it’s a good time to give us some space to sort out our emotions, unless there’s something we’d like to discuss and sort out with your help.
Affection, Sex and Intimacy “I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck”
Yes. We need, enjoy and want it to. Physical expression of love is an important part of any relationship. Give us the love, cuddles and kisses we desire and deserve. Although affection isn’t One Size Fits All, and some people aren’t as affectionate as others, this area should never be neglected in love. Set aside time each day for some form of touch, be it ever so slightly, don’t delay.
To be trusted is worth it’s weight in gold. Women need to feel that they can trust a man and be secure in that belief by a man’s honest words and actions. A woman won’t, and can’t, fully commit to a man whom she feels is dishonest, and she subsequently can’t trust. Simply, don’t lie. She will most likely find out anyway.
Communication “Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” –Jim Rohn
Communicate, communicate, communicate, for when she is silent, be sure that there’s trouble brewing or that she has ceased to care. If you’ve both stopped talking, you both best start now, or start walking. When a woman has something to say, she wants to know that you’re regarding and value her words. Be an attentive ear to hear, not just lips of service.
Gifts ” ..three wise men came bearing gifts..”
It’s the thought that counts.. isn’t always the case. Let the thought remain in thinking of what to purchase her, and then acting upon that. The purpose here is not to aide you in the appropriate gift to give, but to remind you of it’s importance throughout the relationship not just early on. Gifts are a great way to express your appreciation and thoughts towards her. The gift doesn’t always need to be bank breaking, or on the same token, always practical and less-expensive, or necessarily be something tangible, but should be a consistent method of expressing her importance in your life. A bouquet of flowers, a specially made dinner for two, making time for her when you ordinarily wouldn’t, or a couples shopping day at her favorite boutique, are sure ways to make her feel important and valuable. Don’t forget, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your time and attention; undivided.
© 2015 Niazmina