Tag Archives: Sexuality

10 Bedroom Turn Ons For Men And Women Alike: Are You Satisfied?

I’ve heard all the confusion and assumption mainly coming from men, in regards to what women want in the bedroom. What I realized after hearing from various men, is that there are many similarities when it comes to what turns men and women on. Let’s get past the fact that men are highly visual, and understand that many women are as well. Men and women are more similar sexually then we may think. Firstly, I am going to start off slowly and then go with the flow. A little foreplay before the show. Things may get a little explicit but I’m sure all my readers can handle it and may even be anticipating it. When it comes to love making, let’s not be shy.

Good Hygiene

Ladies and gentlemen, I understand that not all things can be controlled in this world, but common courtesy demands that you put in at least the bare minimum of an effort into this practice. Good hygiene says a lot about a person, not to mention their desire and respect for their partner. Take a shower (preferably once a day), use some form of deodorant, there’s no excuses nowadays with all of the natural  options available. Brush and floss your teeth, nobody wants to eat leftovers of your last meal courtesy of your teeth.

Kempt Pubes

To shave or not to shave; that is the question. Well whatever your prefer in regards to shaving, waxing, laser hair removal; most will agree that at least trimming of the pubic area is a turn on. Afterall, not too many would be gung ho about performing oral sex on untamed tresses surrounding (and perhaps hiding) their partner’s genitals. Keeping no or barely there hair can also help regulate odor. Unless you’re having sex in a cave out in the cold, there’s no need for the pubic fur coat. Keep you’re ‘down there’ well groomed, whether it’s bald or not isn’t really an issue.

Massage

I don’t know of one person who doesn’t appreciate a good massage. There are many sensitive spots on both the male and female body which can stimulate sensuality and release pressure. This aspect of foreplay has a wide range of health benefits, including stress release, encourages relaxation, improves circulation (allowing blood flow to your sexual organs), relaxes muscles, increases flexibility and range in motion (perfect for your Kama Sutra position attempts). Massage is an engaging way to display affection for one another and allow for an open exchange of touch and love, creating an atmosphere of trust where each feels safe to explore, perhaps even venture into previously uncharted territory. Ask your partner if they would like a massage and forget about reciprocation for the time being, let it be about them.

Wrestling

‘Love play’ is a huge turn on in and out of the bedroom. Play fighting is afterall what boys grew up doing, why not invite your girl into your world? Chances are she will have had experience in this department, if not growing up then somewhere along the line, so don’t be afraid of giving her a shock and awe experience (which might not be a bad thing..). Ladies, if he’s not the instigator in a little playful, rough and rugged game, what’s stopping you? Bedroom games proceeding actual love making can lead to increased affection for one another and definitely get things a little more lively and wild. Men like to conquer and women love to be conquered, so take ’em down and build your empires, I say!

Cuddling

Cuddling can be great on it’s own without concern for things going further. Some of the most fulfilling moments between a couple can be experienced through simple cuddling. It’s intimacy at it’s core. Cuddling is known to promote the release of oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone’, a chemical that helps release stress and improves mood. It’s a wonderful way to express your love and affection, and may or may not lead to eventual love making, but who cares? Both men and women benefit from this closeness and it builds a bond of trust between two people. This affectionate act can transfer positive healing energy and has become such a popular practice that there are many cuddle services where you can receive professional cuddling.

Pleasure oriented foreplay

Image © 2015 Niazmina
Image © 2015 Niazmina

This is a definite must. If one party is in it merely for their own pleasure, there’s little to no point in continuing the session. Pleasure in the sac (pun…yeah, that’s intended) depends on the preview before the show. Get those juices flowing, yo! Guys, do you really want to throw yourself at a dry Slip n’ Slide? Girls, remember, it’s the squeaky wheel that get’s the grease! If your man is attempting a quickie and you’re sugar wall ain’t callin’, don’t be the silent one in an all out thrashing. As far as foreplay goes, I’ve found that many of the same things arouse both sexes:

Kissing

Some may argue that kissing is number one. The fantastic thing about kissing is there’s little to no ground that can’t be covered. In this sense, a kiss isn’t just a kiss, but a tremendous sensual experience for both to enjoy. It brings a closeness that few other actions can compare. The art of kissing may take some practice for some, but it’s benefits will definitely pay off and pave the way to a whole new world of sexual gratification. Both men and women take pleasure in lip kissing, and why not throw in a little (or a lot) of tongue for the French Kiss. Neck kissing is a nipple-hardening-stimulating-all-of-one’s-senses kind of kiss to get you knockin’ the boots, or rather knock those boots right off. Speaking of nipples, yeah, those are always a pleasure point. X marks the spot, incorporate some light nibbling and pinching and your partner could be 99% on their way to full climax.

Mutual Masturbation

Yes, I said it and there’s really such thing. Does anybody disagree? Get both of your somatic sensory systems receiving stimulation and thus communicating with your brains the ultimate feeling of ecstasy. Get rubbin’ to increase the lovin’, take the ragging bull by the horns and get into it! Men, get your fingers into the mix and experience the female ‘waterfall’ as she ejaculates in intense pleasure. Not all females have squirted but their vagina may not be to blame, it takes practice and a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi’ from their male counterpart. The art of female ejaculation can lead to intense pleasure for both, when done correctly and with appropriate consideration. No female wants a man’s fist in her vagina and when done too roughly, can have the opposite effect and lead to vaginal dryness. Start with one and then two fingers and make sure those nails are trimmed and clean!

Sex Talk

 Not everyone is sexually verbal, but sex talk is something that can be a tremendous turn on, especially when done simultaneously with other actions such as mutual masturbation. Try telling your partner in descriptive and provocative tones, how you have imagined them during the day, and all the things you fantasized about. Don’t simply mention what you desire for them to do to you, but give them a naughty taste of exactly what you’d love to (and plan to) do to them. Nothing knocks the socks off a lover more than the sensual words of passion from one closest to them, seeking to conquer and devour them like the resurrection of Alexander The Great. This verbal seduction can rebuild an empire left in ruins.

Oral Sex

Very well could be the best kind of ‘kissing’ for couples. What do you mean you don’t go down? It may not be something everybody desires, but can be a great intimate way to draw closeness between couples and spice up the relationship. Some find immense pleasure in the act of giving pleasure, oral sex being one method. Either done at the same time as ‘the 69’ or ‘le soixante-neuf’ or not, it’s extremely exciting for both sexes to have their lover kiss, lick and suck on their most special place, and men don’t forsake the glorious and very sensitive clitoris! It’s a fantastic way to arouse your partner, get a womans sexual juices flowing, and achieve orgasm even in those who otherwise find it difficult to achieve purely by intercourse. Many women find themselves having multiple orgasms and cumming during oral sex (‘cunnilingus’ performed on women) easier than penetration. Likewise, where a man is having difficulty achieving erection, during oral sex (‘fellatio’ performed on men) the sucking sensation can solve the issue. There have been studies done which found semen to contain anti depressant chemicals such as spermatozoa, cortisol, which is known to increase affection, estrone, and oxytocin which elevates mood, thyrotropin-releasing hormone (another antidepressant), melatonin (a sleep-inducing agent), and even serotonin (perhaps the best-known antidepressant neurotransmitter) according to MedIndia. Apart from the apparent health benefits of oral sex, don’t get overwhelmed by the thought of having an unfamiliar taste in your mouth, or for women, having a man cum in your mouth with the expectation of you swallowing. Communicate your limits and never do anything that you’re uncomfortable with.

Copyright © 2015 Niazmina

My Sexual Resurgence

Images © 2014 Rebecca Martin
Images © 2014 Rebecca Martin

Continued from My Resolve…

In my tenacity to abruptly shake off the fetters of the old me and whatever bound me to my previous lifestyle, I had become one who flirted with debauchery at every turn. I was lured by, what I would liken to be, the beautiful side of evil and felt rescued and reaffirmed by it. I had become the very person I had in the past loathed and judged. I would’ve been the first to cast a stone before stepping into my new shoes, that coincidentally, fit so well. I had traded in my debilitating world for a new, exciting, titillating emergence, plunging me into self and ideological examination.
During my examination of self, I realized my actions were a direct result of my weakness; my desire for that of which I had always been awash in and grown accustomed to; attention. Especially from the opposite sex, which resonated acceptance and desire to my soul, transliterated as love. I let loose of all morals and inhibitions to grasp hold of any ounce of this ‘love’. I so yearned for this love, this attention, feeling starved and deprived as one thirsty for water. I found vinegar, thus further parched and dehydrated I was on a quest to quench this never ending thirst. It seemed my thirst was insatiable though because every ounce I got, whether water or vinegar, I required more like a drug addict’s increasing capacity in order to acquire the anticipated high.
My social interactions had been nothing more than a sexual outlet and a means of distraction from the stresses pertaining to a contested divorce. It wasn’t healthy, yet it seemed to be keeping me sane, with my head above the water. My world had closed in all around me, yet I had found a temporary escape, a fulfillment of sorts. My mind was being renewed and old patterns and ideas were in effect disintegrating and decaying in the presence of my enlightenment. I didn’t need to be imprisoned to feel self worth or accomplishment, that only stifled my creative nature and prospects seemed to scatter in my previous position. At the same time, my said ‘weakness’ was becoming increasingly detrimental to my renewed state. It would have to be cast off as well, in due time…

“My social interactions had been nothing more than a sexual outlet and a means of distraction…My world had closed in all around me, yet I had found a temporary escape, a fulfillment of sorts…”

My secret rendezvous didn’t discriminate based on marital status. I couldn’t see past my selfish fulfillment and bulldozed my way through the night. I had become somewhat despicable in nature, taking little into consideration past my next outing or social interaction. I became absorbed with meeting and interacting with others, so much so that it was only natural that my next tool would become dating services and social networking sites readily available through the internet. I registered with many different dating sites, not in the hopes to find a date but rather to interact and communicate my loneliness and desire for friendship with others. To explore the world I had been shut away from. Like a kid in a candy store was I, and it tasted very sweet.

“My secret rendezvous didn’t discriminate based on marital status. I couldn’t see past my selfish fulfillment and bulldozed my way through the night. I had become somewhat despicable in nature, taking little into consideration past my next outing or social interaction.”

I had managed to attain enough attention from the male population to keep my msn and email continuously alerting me of new conversations from multiple admirers from all my various dating accounts. This enforced my belief that I could move on and was truly desirable regardless of my being a parent and marital status. Nobody seemed to give it a second thought that I was, in fact, still married. It never occurred to me that my marital situation might be a deterrent. I ‘virtually’ encountered men from all arenas, all walks of life both young and old. I must admit, I was even flattered at the news of my children’s friend’s older brothers having crushes on me. Whether 15 or 30, it just felt good being desired at an age when most women become undesirable. It fed my ego just enough to lift my head and see beyond my next footstep.

Life became something limitless and I foresaw no obstacle but my own imagined walls. I ceased waiting for life to come to me and I instead grabbed the bull by the horns in sheer determination to do something, be somebody and exercise my hidden talents bubbling within me.

To Be Continued…

Memoirs of A Desperate Housewife: My Resolve

Why did I marry? That is the question I so often hear, not only from myself, but from others who are as perplexed as I am. What possible reason was enough for me to give up everything my future could’ve held. Of course I had a choice, but did I make the wrong choice? Was it just the pheromones embrace? I have pondered that question, among others for many years. I am no closer to an answer now as when the haunting question arose within my tattered mind. It was a decision I naturally took to heart and spent a great deal of time, energy, prayers and tears deciding. So why the eventual despairingly lonesome state?

It was from this rock bottom emotional state, that I made a decision to break free from my lonely prison, which was what I had come to view my life within the walls of my marriage as, I felt as free as a bird just learning to spread it’s wings and fly. I had made yet another heart felt decision, this time a dash in the opposite direction of my gradual emotional and mental decay. I had openly embrace the big monster divorce. It was liberating and at the same time frightening. I had lost so much of myself during my marriage that I wasn’t sure who I was, probably more frightening was that I didn’t know who I wanted to be. I felt a sense of urgency as one been cooped up for many years and finally set free, having an overwhelming feeling to take action and move onward with my life, shaking off my stagnant existence.

“It was from this rock bottom emotional state, that I made a decision to break free from my lonely prison, which was what I had come to view my life within the walls of my marriage as, I felt as free as a bird just learning to spread it’s wings and fly.”

In my case, hope was the only option. Considering I had survived an inward desolation for sometime, and hadn’t deployed into the dark abyss that results from a total loss of a saving grace. I choose to move onward and upward and thus allowed opportunity to envelope my existence. It was at the moment that I embraced my circumstances, not as a consequence, but as a catalyst and lesson, that set forth my awakening, my emancipation, my resolve. It was I who created the illusion of marital bliss, and it was I who refused to let go of the imagery of exalted weakness in our sufferings. Thus, I was perpetually surviving rather than thriving. In essence, my house of cards was bound to fall. So it did, and mighty was it’s fall, but during it’s fall, I was lifted up.

It is at our lowest points in life where our hearts seem to be open and alert to our surroundings and can either emit a sense of hope or hopelessness. Suffering, when embraced, has a way of bringing you to your absolute lowest at which point it proceeds to bring you to your absolute best. Dwelling on your supposed failures and shortcomings do nothing to propel you into a furtherance of existence and higher state of being. Taking this fact to heart, I enthusiastically thrust myself into social outings of informal and formal gatherings. Upon doing so I met people of similar circumstances, although placed there by different situations. This deliberate social distraction proved to benefit me by influencing and restructuring my sense of self and well being. Not to say that there weren’t any negative aspects to this new found freedom. On the contrary, there were many, but they all served there own purpose in the renewal of my mind and spirit.

“It is at our lowest points in life where our hearts seem to be open and alert to our surroundings and can either emit a sense of hope or hopelessness.”

One such aspect came with the resurgence of my sexuality, no holds bar….

To Be Continued….

Confessions of a Dirty Mind: Love Entwined

 

Is it love that I seek

Laying naked in this sheet

In the midst of your eyes 

Lies a familiar surprise 

This Is Love I surmise

The stroking of passion 

In universal fashion

Each climax moving mountains

Unleashing water fountains 

Your pleasure is my desire

Anything to stoke your fire

I will take the lead 

Give you everything you need

Caress your hidden places 

While donning sensual faces

Let nothing try to cover 

The sounds that we utter

Prolong your excitement, my lover

On top of you I shall hover

As we increase our speed

I envision your seed

Swimming deep within my ocean 

Within this mind is no other notion

My Valley spreads wide 

Taking all of you deep inside 

As you bear witness my secret

Inhale all that’s sacred

Release all your inhibition

Let me share in your dominion

Hand locked tresses binding this union

Screams of ecstasy travel heaven-sent

Our bodies purposely mingle creation bent

Feast on your desire

I exhibit the escape you require

Love dripping down

Sweat droplets without sound

The calm before the storm

Love locked lips do form

The taste of paradise so sweet

Satisfaction calls forth the unborn to meet….

 © 2014-2015 Niazmina