I know I bring up things you’ve done wrong, but the truth is, it’s only to disturb you and eat your brain. You’re still one of the best things that ever happened to me. Even after all the tears, all the pain. You don’t need to ask questions you already know, I still feel the same. Just not in the same way. Like, now I never believe what you say. I just assume that you’re lying and don’t expect the truth. I’m grateful to the Universe for the experience of you. I am a different person because of you. I met you at a broken time and you became my growth. There can be no joy without pain, no sun without rain, no stars without darkness. I know this. If we look at how things happened, we will understand it was all for our benefit; our betterment. I can look at our years with a smile and wave them a friendly goodbye, knowing that they don’t just die, but new years will come by. A new you, a new me. A new us, a new we. So we can stop stressing ourselves finally over how things went wrong, and continue on our way, steadfast and strong. Our story will live on.
I’ve heard all the confusion and assumption mainly coming from men, in regards to what women want in the bedroom. What I realized after hearing from various men, is that there are many similarities when it comes to what turns men and women on. Let’s get past the fact that men are highly visual, and understand that many women are as well. Men and women are more similar sexually then we may think. Firstly, I am going to start off slowly and then go with the flow. A little foreplay before the show. Things may get a little explicit but I’m sure all my readers can handle it and may even be anticipating it. When it comes to love making, let’s not be shy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I understand that not all things can be controlled in this world, but common courtesy demands that you put in at least the bare minimum of an effort into this practice. Good hygiene says a lot about a person, not to mention their desire and respect for their partner. Take a shower (preferably once a day), use some form of deodorant, there’s no excuses nowadays with all of the natural options available. Brush and floss your teeth, nobody wants to eat leftovers of your last meal courtesy of your teeth.
To shave or not to shave; that is the question. Well whatever your prefer in regards to shaving, waxing, laser hair removal; most will agree that at least trimming of the pubic area is a turn on. Afterall, not too many would be gung ho about performing oral sex on untamed tresses surrounding (and perhaps hiding) their partner’s genitals. Keeping no or barely there hair can also help regulate odor. Unless you’re having sex in a cave out in the cold, there’s no need for the pubic fur coat. Keep you’re ‘down there’ well groomed, whether it’s bald or not isn’t really an issue.
I don’t know of one person who doesn’t appreciate a good massage. There are many sensitive spots on both the male and female body which can stimulate sensuality and release pressure. This aspect of foreplay has a wide range of health benefits, including stress release, encourages relaxation, improves circulation (allowing blood flow to your sexual organs), relaxes muscles, increases flexibility and range in motion (perfect for your Kama Sutra position attempts). Massage is an engaging way to display affection for one another and allow for an open exchange of touch and love, creating an atmosphere of trust where each feels safe to explore, perhaps even venture into previously uncharted territory. Ask your partner if they would like a massage and forget about reciprocation for the time being, let it be about them.
‘Love play’ is a huge turn on in and out of the bedroom. Play fighting is afterall what boys grew up doing, why not invite your girl into your world? Chances are she will have had experience in this department, if not growing up then somewhere along the line, so don’t be afraid of giving her a shock and awe experience (which might not be a bad thing..). Ladies, if he’s not the instigator in a little playful, rough and rugged game, what’s stopping you? Bedroom games proceeding actual love making can lead to increased affection for one another and definitely get things a little more lively and wild. Men like to conquer and women love to be conquered, so take ’em down and build your empires, I say!
Cuddling can be great on it’s own without concern for things going further. Some of the most fulfilling moments between a couple can be experienced through simple cuddling. It’s intimacy at it’s core. Cuddling is known to promote the release of oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone’, a chemical that helps release stress and improves mood. It’s a wonderful way to express your love and affection, and may or may not lead to eventual love making, but who cares? Both men and women benefit from this closeness and it builds a bond of trust between two people. This affectionate act can transfer positive healing energy and has become such a popular practice that there are many cuddle services where you can receive professional cuddling.
Pleasure oriented foreplay
This is a definite must. If one party is in it merely for their own pleasure, there’s little to no point in continuing the session. Pleasure in the sac (pun…yeah, that’s intended) depends on the preview before the show. Get those juices flowing, yo! Guys, do you really want to throw yourself at a dry Slip n’ Slide? Girls, remember, it’s the squeaky wheel that get’s the grease! If your man is attempting a quickie and you’re sugar wall ain’t callin’, don’t be the silent one in an all out thrashing. As far as foreplay goes, I’ve found that many of the same things arouse both sexes:
Some may argue that kissing is number one. The fantastic thing about kissing is there’s little to no ground that can’t be covered. In this sense, a kiss isn’t just a kiss, but a tremendous sensual experience for both to enjoy. It brings a closeness that few other actions can compare. The art of kissing may take some practice for some, but it’s benefits will definitely pay off and pave the way to a whole new world of sexual gratification. Both men and women take pleasure in lip kissing, and why not throw in a little (or a lot) of tongue for the French Kiss. Neck kissing is a nipple-hardening-stimulating-all-of-one’s-senses kind of kiss to get you knockin’ the boots, or rather knock those boots right off. Speaking of nipples, yeah, those are always a pleasure point. X marks the spot, incorporate some light nibbling and pinching and your partner could be 99% on their way to full climax.
Yes, I said it and there’s really such thing. Does anybody disagree? Get both of your somatic sensory systems receiving stimulation and thus communicating with your brains the ultimate feeling of ecstasy. Get rubbin’ to increase the lovin’, take the ragging bull by the horns and get into it! Men, get your fingers into the mix and experience the female ‘waterfall’ as she ejaculates in intense pleasure. Not all females have squirted but their vagina may not be to blame, it takes practice and a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi’ from their male counterpart. The art of female ejaculation can lead to intense pleasure for both, when done correctly and with appropriate consideration. No female wants a man’s fist in her vagina and when done too roughly, can have the opposite effect and lead to vaginal dryness. Start with one and then two fingers and make sure those nails are trimmed and clean!
Not everyone is sexually verbal, but sex talk is something that can be a tremendous turn on, especially when done simultaneously with other actions such as mutual masturbation. Try telling your partner in descriptive and provocative tones, how you have imagined them during the day, and all the things you fantasized about. Don’t simply mention what you desire for them to do to you, but give them a naughty taste of exactly what you’d love to (and plan to) do to them. Nothing knocks the socks off a lover more than the sensual words of passion from one closest to them, seeking to conquer and devour them like the resurrection of Alexander The Great. This verbal seduction can rebuild an empire left in ruins.
Very well could be the best kind of ‘kissing’ for couples. What do you mean you don’t go down? It may not be something everybody desires, but can be a great intimate way to draw closeness between couples and spice up the relationship. Some find immense pleasure in the act of giving pleasure, oral sex being one method. Either done at the same time as ‘the 69’ or ‘le soixante-neuf’ or not, it’s extremely exciting for both sexes to have their lover kiss, lick and suck on their most special place, and men don’t forsake the glorious and very sensitive clitoris! It’s a fantastic way to arouse your partner, get a womans sexual juices flowing, and achieve orgasm even in those who otherwise find it difficult to achieve purely by intercourse. Many women find themselves having multiple orgasms and cumming during oral sex (‘cunnilingus’ performed on women) easier than penetration. Likewise, where a man is having difficulty achieving erection, during oral sex (‘fellatio’ performed on men) the sucking sensation can solve the issue. There have been studies done which found semen to contain anti depressant chemicals such as spermatozoa, cortisol, which is known to increase affection, estrone, and oxytocin which elevates mood, thyrotropin-releasing hormone (another antidepressant), melatonin (a sleep-inducing agent), and even serotonin (perhaps the best-known antidepressant neurotransmitter) according to MedIndia. Apart from the apparent health benefits of oral sex, don’t get overwhelmed by the thought of having an unfamiliar taste in your mouth, or for women, having a man cum in your mouth with the expectation of you swallowing. Communicate your limits and never do anything that you’re uncomfortable with.
Copyright © 2015 Niazmina
What do women want and need in a relationship? Is there really an easy answer, I mean, women all differ along with their desires and needs.
In my quest to find answers, I soon found out that the very subject is a major area of turn on for men, around the globe. It unequivocally incites excitement at the mere thought of feasting the ears upon the hidden mysteries of woman. This goes to show that the desire and passion to understand women is definitely not lacking, so where does it go when played out in reality? Men don’t seem to be getting any closer to understanding the opposite sex as when this question first arose. Despite the many articles and opinionated friends in their face, ready and willing to offer their help and suggestions, the majority of men remain stumped.
Well men, I found that regardless of the woman, there are some basic wants and needs for all of our diverse complexities. No need to look any further, here’s some time saving tips for this timeless question.
Never Stop Wooing
Definition of wooing:
- To seek the affection of (someone, especially a woman) with the intent to marry or begin a romantic relationship.
In layman terms, never stop doing the things you did to get her, even after you’ve got her. If she was worth it then, she’s worth it now. Dinners, movies, compliments, texting…or even better, sexting. Don’t let the flame burn out when it’s just as easy to keep it going with some simple attention.
Affirmation and Praise “Make me feel/ like I’m the only girl in the world…”
All women and girls alike, want to feel special and unique. Irreplaceable. We don’t want to be made to feel as if we are run-of-the-mill, plain and simple. We want to be viewed as uncommon, extraordinary, standing out from all the rest. Give us the encouragement to be all that we can be, and the praise to make it worth it. Words of affirmation and praise such as ” I love you” “Good morning beautiful” can not only build up her self confidence, which will enhance your intimate relations, but is also expressing your devotion and desire at no cost to you; the benefits are priceless.
Loyalty and Commitment “..Why window shop
When you own this..”
Women want loyalty. No matter how many you may have loved before us, we want to know that while you are with us you’re with just us. It doesn’t mean that you should let your hands and mouth do the talking while your eyes do some walking. If you’ve got some wondering eyes, it’s fair to say that your devotion to the relationship is questionable. Respect and devotion go hand in hand and you’re not being respectful in heart when your eyes are devouring every beautiful passerby. There’s a difference between visual recognition and optical consumption..
If you’re having trouble in this area, perhaps it’s time to have a heart to heart and let her know how you’re feeling. Letting someone down easy is much better than possibly cheating, lying and causing further heartbreak. If you’re not fully in, get fully out.
Security In Officiality “..You gotta give me, give me all of your heart
I wanna be your, be your official girl, official girl..”
There’s a sense of security in exclusivity, if you want to keep her, make it official. This is time to show and prove your love, your faithfulness.
..”You gotta love me in the light and the dark..” Is she a hidden romance? A secret in your unkempt closet? If so, it’s time to shed some light on your heart’s desire, if it is truly that.. make necessary introductions to friends, and family if the conditions are right. Where there’s hesitation in this area, commitment is also questionable.
Time and Attention “No one is really busy, it all depends on what number you are on their priority list.”
“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”
― Greg Behrendt“
Sound familiar guys? Don’t be an asshole. Don’t confuse, and don’t neglect time and attention. They are two very separate entities, albeit, under one umbrella…an umbrella much needed during the storms of love. You cannot get to know a person, in all fairness, without time and attention. You spend your time with them, giving your attention; paying attention. This isn’t just a want but a need. When either of these essentials are lacking, the relationship soon suffers. Yes, people get busy but there’s always enough hours in a day for a text message, a phone call or another form of ” Hey, I’m thinking of you.” If this feels like a chore to you, it’s a sure sign that your relationship has been dumped into the dirty laundry pile.. only attended to when necessary for your needs. A woman should always feel like a priority, not just an option.
Space “It’s not hot, that you be callin’ me
Stressin’ me, pagin’ my beeper
You’re just non stop, and it’s not hot
That you be leavin’ me messages every 10 minutes..
And then you stop by…”
Now, with time and attention comes space. Nobody appreciates suffocation. There are two ends of the spectrum and moderation is key. Don’t be a ‘bug-a-boo’. Prove she’s a priority without suffocation. Girls need space; alone time. Don’t take it personal. I’ve heard guys complaining about how women have unexplainable mood swings that can never be understood. Well, chances are it’s a good time to give us some space to sort out our emotions, unless there’s something we’d like to discuss and sort out with your help.
Affection, Sex and Intimacy “I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck”
Yes. We need, enjoy and want it to. Physical expression of love is an important part of any relationship. Give us the love, cuddles and kisses we desire and deserve. Although affection isn’t One Size Fits All, and some people aren’t as affectionate as others, this area should never be neglected in love. Set aside time each day for some form of touch, be it ever so slightly, don’t delay.
To be trusted is worth it’s weight in gold. Women need to feel that they can trust a man and be secure in that belief by a man’s honest words and actions. A woman won’t, and can’t, fully commit to a man whom she feels is dishonest, and she subsequently can’t trust. Simply, don’t lie. She will most likely find out anyway.
Communication “Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.” –Jim Rohn
Communicate, communicate, communicate, for when she is silent, be sure that there’s trouble brewing or that she has ceased to care. If you’ve both stopped talking, you both best start now, or start walking. When a woman has something to say, she wants to know that you’re regarding and value her words. Be an attentive ear to hear, not just lips of service.
Gifts ” ..three wise men came bearing gifts..”
It’s the thought that counts.. isn’t always the case. Let the thought remain in thinking of what to purchase her, and then acting upon that. The purpose here is not to aide you in the appropriate gift to give, but to remind you of it’s importance throughout the relationship not just early on. Gifts are a great way to express your appreciation and thoughts towards her. The gift doesn’t always need to be bank breaking, or on the same token, always practical and less-expensive, or necessarily be something tangible, but should be a consistent method of expressing her importance in your life. A bouquet of flowers, a specially made dinner for two, making time for her when you ordinarily wouldn’t, or a couples shopping day at her favorite boutique, are sure ways to make her feel important and valuable. Don’t forget, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your time and attention; undivided.
© 2015 Niazmina