Never Stop Wooing: 10 Things A Woman Wants In A Relationship

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Image © 2015 Niazmina

What do women want and need in a relationship? Is there really an easy answer, I mean, women all differ along with their desires and needs.

In my quest to find answers, I soon found out that the very subject is a major area of turn on for men, around the globe. It unequivocally incites excitement at the mere thought of feasting the ears upon the hidden mysteries of woman. This goes to show that the desire and passion to understand women is definitely not lacking, so where does it go when played out in reality? Men don’t seem to be getting any closer to understanding the opposite sex as when this question first arose. Despite the many articles and opinionated friends in their face, ready and willing to offer their help and suggestions, the majority of men remain stumped.

Well men, I found that regardless of the woman, there are some basic wants and needs for all of our diverse complexities. No need to look any further, here’s some time saving tips for this timeless question.

Never Stop Wooing

Definition of wooing:

  1. To seek the affection of (someone, especially a woman) with the intent to marry or begin a romantic relationship.

In layman terms, never stop doing the things you did to get her, even after you’ve got her. If she was worth it then, she’s worth it now. Dinners, movies, compliments, texting…or even better, sexting. Don’t let the flame burn out when it’s just as easy to keep it going with some simple attention.

Affirmation and Praise “Make me feel/ like I’m the only girl in the world…” 

All women and girls alike, want to feel special and unique. Irreplaceable. We don’t want to be made to feel as if we are run-of-the-mill, plain and simple. We want to be viewed as uncommon, extraordinary, standing out from all the rest. Give us the encouragement to be all that we can be, and the praise to make it worth it. Words of affirmation and praise such as ” I love you” “Good morning beautiful” can not only build up her self confidence, which will enhance your intimate relations, but is also expressing your devotion and desire at no cost to you; the benefits are priceless.

Loyalty and Commitment ..Why window shop
When you own this..”

Women want loyalty. No matter how many you may have loved before us, we want to know that while you are with us you’re with just us. It doesn’t mean that you should let your hands and mouth do the talking while your eyes do some walking. If you’ve got some wondering eyes, it’s fair to say that your devotion to the relationship is questionable. Respect and devotion go hand in hand and you’re not being respectful in heart when your eyes are devouring every beautiful passerby. There’s a difference between visual recognition and optical consumption..

If you’re having trouble in this area, perhaps it’s time to have a heart to heart and let her know how you’re feeling. Letting someone down easy is much better than possibly cheating, lying and causing further heartbreak. If you’re not fully in, get fully out.

Security In Officiality “..You gotta give me, give me all of your heart
I wanna be your, be your official girl, official girl..”

There’s a sense of security in exclusivity, if you want to keep her, make it official. This is time to show and prove your love, your faithfulness.

..”You gotta love me in the light and the dark..” Is she a hidden romance? A secret in your unkempt closet? If so, it’s time to shed some light on your heart’s desire, if it is truly that.. make necessary introductions to friends, and family if the conditions are right. Where there’s hesitation in this area, commitment is also questionable.

Time and Attention No one is really busy, it all depends on what number you are on their priority list.”

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind. If he creates expectations for you, and then doesn’t follow through on little things, he will do same for big things. Be aware of this and realize that he’s okay with disappointing you. Don’t be with someone who doesn’t do what they say they’re going to do. If he’s choosing not to make a simple effort that would put you at ease and bring harmony to a recurring fight, then he doesn’t respect your feelings and needs. “Busy” is another word for “asshole.” “Asshole” is another word for the guy you’re dating. You deserve a fcking phone call.”
Greg Behrendt

Sound familiar guys? Don’t be an asshole. Don’t confuse, and don’t neglect time and attention. They are two very separate entities, albeit, under one umbrella…an umbrella much needed during the storms of love. You cannot get to know a person, in all fairness, without time and attention. You spend your time with them, giving your attention; paying attention. This isn’t just a want but a need. When either of these essentials are lacking, the relationship soon suffers. Yes, people get busy but there’s always enough hours in a day for a text message, a phone call or another form of ” Hey, I’m thinking of you.” If this feels like a chore to you, it’s a sure sign that your relationship has been dumped into the dirty laundry pile.. only attended to when necessary for your needs. A woman should always feel like a priority, not just an option.

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Image © 2015 Niazmina

Space “It’s not hot, that you be callin’ me
Stressin’ me, pagin’ my beeper
You’re just non stop, and it’s not hot
That you be leavin’ me messages every 10 minutes..

And then you stop by…”

Now, with time and attention comes space. Nobody appreciates suffocation. There are two ends of the spectrum and moderation is key. Don’t be a ‘bug-a-boo’. Prove she’s a priority without suffocation. Girls need space; alone time. Don’t take it personal. I’ve heard guys complaining about how women have unexplainable mood swings that can never be understood. Well, chances are it’s a good time to give us some space to sort out our emotions, unless there’s something we’d like to discuss and sort out with your help.

Affection, Sex and Intimacy “I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck”

Yes. We need, enjoy and want it to. Physical expression of love is an important part of any relationship. Give us the love, cuddles and kisses we desire and deserve. Although affection isn’t One Size Fits All, and some people aren’t as affectionate as others, this area should never be neglected in love. Set aside time each day for some form of touch, be it ever so slightly, don’t delay.

Honesty  “To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved.”
George MacDonald

To be trusted is worth it’s weight in gold. Women need to feel that they can trust a man and be secure in that belief by a man’s honest words and actions. A woman won’t, and can’t, fully commit to a man whom she feels is dishonest, and she subsequently can’t trust. Simply, don’t lie. She will most likely find out anyway.

Communication  Take advantage of every opportunity to practice your communication skills so that when important occasions arise, you will have the gift, the style, the sharpness, the clarity, and the emotions to affect other people.Jim Rohn

Communicate, communicate, communicate, for when she is silent, be sure that there’s trouble brewing or that she has ceased to care. If you’ve both stopped talking, you both best start now, or start walking. When a woman has something to say, she wants to know that you’re regarding and value her words. Be an attentive ear to hear, not just lips of service.

Gifts  ” ..three wise men came bearing gifts..”

It’s the thought that counts.. isn’t always the case. Let the thought remain in thinking of what to purchase her, and then acting upon that. The purpose here is not to aide you in the appropriate gift to give, but to remind you of it’s importance throughout the relationship not just early on. Gifts are a great way to express your appreciation and thoughts towards her. The gift doesn’t always need to be bank breaking, or on the same token, always practical and less-expensive, or necessarily be something tangible, but should be a consistent method of expressing her importance in your life. A bouquet of flowers, a specially made dinner for two, making time for her when you ordinarily wouldn’t, or a couples shopping day at her favorite boutique, are sure ways to make her feel important and valuable. Don’t forget, one of the greatest gifts you can give someone is your time and attention; undivided.

© 2015 Niazmina

Afghanistan, In Praise of Your Propriety: A Story In Picturesque Verse and Photography

Kabul, Afghanistan
Kabul, Afghanistan

My account of wanderings in Afghanistan and my many colourful conversations with my Afghan friends, detailing their lives and surroundings. Photos courtesy of my dear friends in the bold and beautiful land of AFGHANISTAN and from one of my visits to Pakistan.

Oh, Land of Majesty!
I call you Mother Brother Friend
You called me to your end
Lifted me in flight
Granted my eyes a grand sight

Oh, Bamiyan!
Wondrous reaches of spectacular peaks
The sky spread in praise doth speaks
There the remains of the silent Buddha’s great seat

Oh, Kabul!
How your parakeets do chatter
As the tanks and passersby do scatter
You keep aloof of the whole matter

Oh, Blue Mosque of Mazar!
How many doves there are Cooing and flocking
The whole world left stalking

Oh, Badakhshan!
The whole Universe cannot possibly contain
The beauty that you possess and maintain
Even the stars compete in vain

Oh, Nation of Lions!
The eyes of jealousy surround you I do see
Bombarding with wars of frivolity upon thee

Oh, Afghanistan!
How unjustly you so bleed!
War racketeers my ears do heed
What doth keep you strong

Oh, Marvelous Steed!

© 2015 Rebecca Martin

My decision to finally take a leap of faith and travel to Afghanistan, was after many years of trepidation and warning from friends and family. Due to the country’s turmoil for the past decade, many were concerned for my safety, and understandably so. Security is a never-ending and very real issue for Afghans and non Afghans alike. This in mind, I’ve always had precise intuition that lead me to the conclusion that it was ‘meant to be’.

Images © 2015 Niazmina

I was unable to witness all of Afghanistan due to the security issue, what I did see was rough and rugged beauty, without a doubt. The mountains were beckoning and bold. Rivers and lakes surround to refresh your soul, while it seems the rest of you is greeted with heat and parched ground. The discrepancies in weather are most clever, leaving the sub-arctic northeastern reaches at odds with the drought-ridden southwestern regions.

Village Children Images © 2015 Niazmina

I had never before encountered a village or it’s inhabitants but had an idea of what it might be like. I can’t say that I was too far off in my assumption that it would be a lot like camping, boiling your water for the luxury of a hot shower, toilets virtually non-existent, defecating outdoors (a given) interesting cooking methods and hospitality. The hospitality of Afghans is their pride and honor. It outweighs any downside to village living and is so endearing one finds themselves adapting to the lifestyle rather quickly.

The family I was staying with while in Afghanistan had just shifted homes from Pakistan. Their home wasn't complete, this was the kitchen at the time. Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Quroot (or Qoroot) is a reconstituted dairy product. It was traditionally a by-product of butter made from sheep or goat milk. The residual buttermilk remaining after churning of the butter is soured further by keeping it at room temperature for a few days, treated with salt, and then boiled. The precipitated casein is filtered through cheesecloth, pressed to remove liquid, and shaped into balls. The product is thus a very sour cottage cheese. Quroot is hard and can be eaten raw. It is typically served with cooked Afghan dishes such as Ashak, Mantu, and Qeshla Qoroot, among others. Info Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Afghan_cuisine#Quroot Images © 2015 Niazmina
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The family home wasn’t complete, this was the kitchen at the time. Images © 2015 Niazmina
Afghan Boys Images © 2015 Niazmina

My arrival at this particular village was welcomed with smiles and laughter from the village children and adults. I was sheltered, feasted, cherished, warmly received and treated as an honored guest. I became family, a distant relative. Daughter. Sister. I was enveloped with love and had much fun watching and learning their culture and traditions. The girls  from various homes would come each morning and stay until dusk or later, offering to do my hair and make up, smiling and attempting to communicate through various means. At times causing bursts of uncontrollable laughter at our many failed attempts to understand one another. Speech wasn’t necessary amidst smiles and laughter. One of the sisters loved doing my make up for me. Each morning I would awake, wash my face and draw my eyebrows in or apply under eye concealer so that I wouldn’t look like a downtrodden traveler. This routine I was wishing to do in secret, as I was the only one doing so and felt somewhat vain. I must have sparked some hidden creative talent within one of the girls, as she insisted she apply full make up for me whenever she caught me mid-coverage. I was pleasantly surprised to see the finished product in the mirror. Absolutely artistic display of perfection!

Village Life Images © 2015 Niazmina

I will never forget the warm, genuine hearts of the Afghans I met. Their care was genuine. Their smiles were broad. Their laughter touched the soul. Their stories were inviting. Their innovativeness motivating. Everybody in the village was generous and lovely. All spent time visiting me and caring for my every need. I suffered from giardiasis (an intestinal infection caused by a microscopic parasite that’s found worldwide, especially in areas with poor sanitation and unsafe water. Marked by abdominal cramps, bloating, nausea and bouts of watery diarrhea) so everybody’s patience was surely tested with my subsequent complaints and discomfort.

I was excited to try on an Afghan Burqa. A burqa (Urdu: بُرقع‎), (Arabic pronunciation: [ˈbʊrqʊʕ, ˈbʊrqɑʕ]a (also transliterated]burkha, bourkha, burka or burqu' from Arabic: برقع‎ burquʻ or burqaʻ), also known as chadri or paranja in Central Asia) is an enveloping outer garment worn by women in some Islamic traditions to cover their bodies when in public. Info Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burqa Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
I was excited to try on an Afghan Burqa. A burqa (Urdu: بُرقع‎), (Arabic pronunciation: [ˈbʊrqʊʕ, ˈbʊrqɑʕ]a (also transliterated]burkha, bourkha, burka or burqu’ from Arabic: برقع‎ burquʻ or burqaʻ), also known as chadri or paranja in Central Asia) is an enveloping outer garment worn by women in some Islamic traditions to cover their bodies when in public. Info Source http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Burqa Images © 2015 Niazmina
I was far from perfecting my fluency in either Pashto or Dari, the two officially recognized languages of Afghanistan. This placed a huge wedge in the area of communication without a translator, but Kaka was not deterred. He would without hesitation start conversation with vivid illustration and depiction using his whole body as language. Flailing arms and boisterous words left us all rolling in laughter as Kaka expressed his life, adventures and stories to me. He was attentive and kind. A great man, not only in my mind.

My Little Buddies Images © 2015 Niazmina
Brothers In Arms Images © 2015 Niazmina
Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Images © 2015 Niazmina
Qargha Lake, Kabul Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Qargha Lake, Kabul
Images © 2015 Niazmina
Qargha Lake, Kabul Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Qargha Lake, Kabul Images © 2015 Niazmina
(Kabul Ride) Although alcohol consumption is banned and taboo in Afghanistan, foreigners can purchase it in certain shops upon showing their passport. Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
(Kabul Ride) Although alcohol consumption is banned and taboo in Afghanistan, foreigners can purchase it in certain shops upon showing their passport. Images © 2015 Niazmina
Kabuli bacha (boy) in Kabul traffic Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Kabuli bacha (boy) in Kabul traffic Images © 2015 Niazmina
Kabul  hillside across from center of town. Home built here are significantly less expensive than the homes built on flatter ground. Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Kabul hillside across from center of town. Home built here are significantly less expensive than the homes built on flatter ground. Images © 2015 Niazmina
Jalalabad Images © 2015 Niazmina
Entering Jalalabad Images © 2015 Niazmina
Balloon seller. Jalalabad, Afghanistan Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Balloon seller. Jalalabad, Afghanistan Images © 2015 Niazmina
Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Images © 2015 Niazmina
Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Images © 2015 Niazmina
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2015 Niazmina
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2013 Rebecca Martin
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2015 Niazmina
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2015 Niazmina
Salang, Afghanistan Images © 2015 Niazmina