I know I bring up things you’ve done wrong, but the truth is, it’s only to disturb you and eat your brain. You’re still one of the best things that ever happened to me. Even after all the tears, all the pain. You don’t need to ask questions you already know, I still feel the same. Just not in the same way. Like, now I never believe what you say. I just assume that you’re lying and don’t expect the truth. I’m grateful to the Universe for the experience of you. I am a different person because of you. I met you at a broken time and you became my growth. There can be no joy without pain, no sun without rain, no stars without darkness. I know this. If we look at how things happened, we will understand it was all for our benefit; our betterment. I can look at our years with a smile and wave them a friendly goodbye, knowing that they don’t just die, but new years will come by. A new you, a new me. A new us, a new we. So we can stop stressing ourselves finally over how things went wrong, and continue on our way, steadfast and strong. Our story will live on.
I’ve heard all the confusion and assumption mainly coming from men, in regards to what women want in the bedroom. What I realized after hearing from various men, is that there are many similarities when it comes to what turns men and women on. Let’s get past the fact that men are highly visual, and understand that many women are as well. Men and women are more similar sexually then we may think. Firstly, I am going to start off slowly and then go with the flow. A little foreplay before the show. Things may get a little explicit but I’m sure all my readers can handle it and may even be anticipating it. When it comes to love making, let’s not be shy.
Ladies and gentlemen, I understand that not all things can be controlled in this world, but common courtesy demands that you put in at least the bare minimum of an effort into this practice. Good hygiene says a lot about a person, not to mention their desire and respect for their partner. Take a shower (preferably once a day), use some form of deodorant, there’s no excuses nowadays with all of the natural options available. Brush and floss your teeth, nobody wants to eat leftovers of your last meal courtesy of your teeth.
To shave or not to shave; that is the question. Well whatever your prefer in regards to shaving, waxing, laser hair removal; most will agree that at least trimming of the pubic area is a turn on. Afterall, not too many would be gung ho about performing oral sex on untamed tresses surrounding (and perhaps hiding) their partner’s genitals. Keeping no or barely there hair can also help regulate odor. Unless you’re having sex in a cave out in the cold, there’s no need for the pubic fur coat. Keep you’re ‘down there’ well groomed, whether it’s bald or not isn’t really an issue.
I don’t know of one person who doesn’t appreciate a good massage. There are many sensitive spots on both the male and female body which can stimulate sensuality and release pressure. This aspect of foreplay has a wide range of health benefits, including stress release, encourages relaxation, improves circulation (allowing blood flow to your sexual organs), relaxes muscles, increases flexibility and range in motion (perfect for your Kama Sutra position attempts). Massage is an engaging way to display affection for one another and allow for an open exchange of touch and love, creating an atmosphere of trust where each feels safe to explore, perhaps even venture into previously uncharted territory. Ask your partner if they would like a massage and forget about reciprocation for the time being, let it be about them.
‘Love play’ is a huge turn on in and out of the bedroom. Play fighting is afterall what boys grew up doing, why not invite your girl into your world? Chances are she will have had experience in this department, if not growing up then somewhere along the line, so don’t be afraid of giving her a shock and awe experience (which might not be a bad thing..). Ladies, if he’s not the instigator in a little playful, rough and rugged game, what’s stopping you? Bedroom games proceeding actual love making can lead to increased affection for one another and definitely get things a little more lively and wild. Men like to conquer and women love to be conquered, so take ’em down and build your empires, I say!
Cuddling can be great on it’s own without concern for things going further. Some of the most fulfilling moments between a couple can be experienced through simple cuddling. It’s intimacy at it’s core. Cuddling is known to promote the release of oxytocin, also known as the ‘love hormone’, a chemical that helps release stress and improves mood. It’s a wonderful way to express your love and affection, and may or may not lead to eventual love making, but who cares? Both men and women benefit from this closeness and it builds a bond of trust between two people. This affectionate act can transfer positive healing energy and has become such a popular practice that there are many cuddle services where you can receive professional cuddling.
Pleasure oriented foreplay
This is adefinite must. If one party is in it merely for their own pleasure, there’s little to no point in continuing the session. Pleasure in the sac (pun…yeah, that’s intended) depends on the preview before the show. Get those juices flowing, yo! Guys, do you really want to throw yourself at a dry Slip n’ Slide? Girls, remember, it’s the squeaky wheel that get’s the grease! If your man is attempting a quickie and you’re sugar wall ain’t callin’, don’t be the silent one in an all out thrashing. As far as foreplay goes, I’ve found that many of the same things arouse both sexes:
Some may argue that kissingis number one. The fantastic thing about kissing is there’s little to no ground that can’t be covered. In this sense, a kiss isn’t just a kiss, but a tremendous sensual experience for both to enjoy. It brings a closeness that few other actions can compare. The art of kissing may take some practice for some, but it’s benefits will definitely pay off and pave the way to a whole new world of sexual gratification. Both men and women take pleasure in lip kissing, and why not throw in a little (or a lot) of tongue for the French Kiss. Neck kissing is a nipple-hardening-stimulating-all-of-one’s-senses kind of kiss to get you knockin’ the boots, or rather knock those boots right off. Speaking of nipples, yeah, those are always a pleasure point. X marks the spot, incorporate some light nibbling and pinching and your partner could be 99% on their way to full climax.
Yes, I said it and there’s really such thing. Does anybody disagree? Get both of your somatic sensory systems receiving stimulation and thus communicating with your brains the ultimate feeling of ecstasy. Get rubbin’ to increase the lovin’, take the ragging bull by the horns and get into it! Men, get your fingers into the mix and experience the female ‘waterfall’ as she ejaculates in intense pleasure. Not all females have squirted but their vagina may not be to blame, it takes practice and a certain ‘Je ne sais quoi’ from their male counterpart. The art of female ejaculation can lead to intense pleasure for both, when done correctly and with appropriate consideration. No female wants a man’s fist in her vagina and when done too roughly, can have the opposite effect and lead to vaginal dryness. Start with one and then two fingers and make sure those nails are trimmed and clean!
Not everyone is sexually verbal, but sex talk is something that can be a tremendous turn on, especially when done simultaneously with other actions such as mutual masturbation. Try telling your partner in descriptive and provocative tones, how you have imagined them during the day, and all the things you fantasized about. Don’t simply mention what you desire for them to do to you, but give them a naughty taste of exactly what you’d love to (and plan to) do to them. Nothing knocks the socks off a lover more than the sensual words of passion from one closest to them, seeking to conquer and devour them like the resurrection of Alexander The Great. This verbal seduction can rebuild an empire left in ruins.
Very well could be the best kind of ‘kissing’ for couples. What do you mean you don’t go down? It may not be something everybody desires, but can be a great intimate way to draw closeness between couples and spice up the relationship. Some find immense pleasure in the act of giving pleasure, oral sex being one method. Either done at the same time as ‘the 69’ or ‘le soixante-neuf’ or not, it’s extremely exciting for both sexes to have their lover kiss, lick and suck on their most special place, and men don’t forsake the glorious and very sensitive clitoris! It’s a fantastic way to arouse your partner, get a womans sexual juices flowing, and achieve orgasm even in those who otherwise find it difficult to achieve purely by intercourse. Many women find themselves having multiple orgasms and cumming during oral sex (‘cunnilingus’ performed on women) easier than penetration. Likewise, where a man is having difficulty achieving erection, during oral sex (‘fellatio’ performed on men) the sucking sensation can solve the issue. There have been studies done which found semen to contain anti depressant chemicals such as spermatozoa, cortisol, which is known to increase affection, estrone, and oxytocin which elevates mood, thyrotropin-releasing hormone (another antidepressant), melatonin (a sleep-inducing agent), and even serotonin (perhaps the best-known antidepressant neurotransmitter) according to MedIndia. Apart from the apparent health benefits of oral sex, don’t get overwhelmed by the thought of having an unfamiliar taste in your mouth, or for women, having a man cum in your mouth with the expectation of you swallowing. Communicate your limits and never do anything that you’re uncomfortable with.
What has this society come to when bullying is considered a serious matter and unjustifiable; unless you’re a child’s mother.
Parents should for the most part, stay uninvolved in petty disputes between their child other children, unless it’s escalating and there’s cause for concern. Even at this point, there’s a right and a wrong way to approach the situation. Approaching a child all with your emotions exploding, irate, screaming and threatening them is never an ideal method of confrontation. If you’re truly concerned about an issue between children, the first thing to keep in mind is that you’re an example of proper etiquette, whether you realize it or not. What separates you from the child’s behavior is that you’re an adult who should have accumulated and sharpened some communication and conflict resolution skills over your years.
Remember that perspective is everything, what your child has relayed to you about a specific incident, is coming from a child’s perspective, one that can be biased based on children’s natural tendency to see the world with themselves in the center. Children aren’t experienced enough to necessarily distinguish between what they’re understanding from a situation and what someone else may understand, heck, most adults can barely make the distinction.
Reality is subjective, yet, during conflict resolution you must aim to be objective and keep any emotions wanting to flare up.. at bay. Otherwise, are you not acting as the child in whose character you’ve just found fault in?
Tearing a strip off a child and/or that child’s parent is not an example anybody should set. Approach your battles with dignity, class and respect. Before that, choose wisely as to whether this particular battle is worthy of being fought.
Name calling, swearing and threatening a child and/or their parents is also and obviously not an example to set. This is not how anybody should conduct themselves for any reason, especially when you’re reason for being upset is because of your own belief that they were mistreating your child.
CASE IN POINT
I’ve had obnoxious and highly volatile womEn (yes, more than one at a time) confront my child at a water park recently over a water fight.
Apparently one child was being tagged by water guns from various boys, and didn’t appreciate it. One of the boys was my son with his two friends. My son and two other boys told me they had “got in trouble” for spraying some kid who was playing in the water..(this itself is amusing..) I then got up from my nearby blanket on the grass to overlook the situation. No sooner had I approached the water section, some hijab donning woman honed in on my son, walked up angrily to him standing with his two buddies, and proceeded to tear a strip off of him. I immediately made my presence known and firmly asked what the problem was. The woman was stunned and took a few steps back in silence as I approached her position. As she, in a more calmly manner, explained that the boys had been squirting another child and been involved in some water tagging, I also calmly addressed the boys and advised them to plan their attacks on willing participants only. This is when it was taken to another level as another woman came from the depths of the water park abyss, like a whale out of hell, and screamed at the boys “Stay away from my kids!” Blah blah blah …at which point my son pointed me out and said, “My mom is right there”. By this time I was already tired of the situation being blown out of proportion, and I walked up to her as she aggressively ranted about the boys supposed wrongdoing, I explained to her that I understood what the complaint was and again mentioned to the boys that they were not to squirt other children who don’t wish to participate in a water fight. Just then, another (ahhh…woman?) bikini clad, over-weight, tatted, breast and nipple exhibitionist showed up, like a troll from under a bridge. This (woman?) was, as it turns out, the mother of some children which had been sprayed and was livid (obnoxious, ratchet, immature…etc.) and laid into the boys regardless of her friend telling her that I was one of the boy’s mother and after I had told her that I had dealt with it. She screamed at them and threatened them that she would call the police if they squirted her child again. Just unnecessary, ratchet behavior and obscenities coming from a woman who was lambasting young boys for spraying water at a water park! The boys and I were in complete shock by this gong show, and after failed attempts to calm their spewing mouths, we turned to walk away. They’d be damned if that were going to happen though! These women were in for the kill as they followed me continuing their bullying attack. I said, “You are taking this too far. They were shooting water, not bullets, just leave it, it’s been dealt with. It’s over, finished.” The anger emanating from these two was astonishing. They were quite literally in my face screaming with rage, at which point one of the woman quite proudly let it be known that ” I’m a Social Worker, and we take kids away from people like you! Where were you this whole time!? You weren’t anywhere near!” I stood there in amazement at her statement and confirmed with her in disbelief, ” You’re a Social Worker!?..now that’s scary!” ” Yes, I am.. and your statement about them not shooting bullets but water, I’m sorry but that sort of behavior leads to bullets, and bullets lead to death.”
What fantastical nonsense!!
Parents, if you’re going to get involved in your children’s lives to the point where you’re fighting or creating battles for them, disputes, drama and chaos, perhaps it’s an appropriate call for you to have a ‘time out’. A little class, as in gracefulness, goes a long way, and effective communication is key, especially in times of conflict. Many times I have done and said nothing in a dispute involving my children, so as not to stunt my child’s development and personal growth. Unfortunately, children need to face, at times, unpleasant situations with their peers, as a part of their transition into adolescence and eventually, adulthood. These experiences help to mold them and teach them; along with our guidance as parents on appropriate methods of anger management, conflict resolution, ethical conduct and respectful and non intimidating and non threatening communication. We as parents don’t need to pounce upon every issue that arises, rather we should watch and instruct when necessary in order to build them as individuals, not tear them down (including other people’s children) because of their lack of life experience and wisdom.
“There’s no way to approach anything in an objective way. We’re completely subjective; our view of the world is completely controlled by who we are as human beings, as men or women, by our age, our history, our profession, by the state of the world.” ~Charlie Kaufman
“The faculty to think objectively is reason; the emotional attitude behind reason is that of humility. To be objective, to use one’s reason, is possible only if one has achieved an attitude of humility, if one has emerged from the dreams of omniscience and omnipotence which one has as a child. Love, being dependent on the relative absence of narcissism, requires the development of humility, objectivity and reason.
I must try to see the difference between my picture of a person and his behavior, as it is narcissistically distorted, and the person’s reality as it exists regardless of my interests, needs and fears.”
― Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
“Imagine a wall that’s green on one side and red on the other. You stand on one side and only see green. I stand on the other side and only see red. We’ll both be right about the color we see, even though we disagree on what color the wall is. Being able to realize that the other person has a valid point, even if you disagree with it, that’s maturity.”
― Oliver Gaspirtz
The beauty of womanhood is boundless. Beyond daily mundane activities such as laundry, where our thoughts digress to the wonderment as to how a garment placed in the dryer right side out consistently comes out inside out. Or the everlasting question where could the matching sock have gone? We have within us an innate ability to survive and nurture. Typically the survival nature is combative and predatory where to nurture is something done in meekness. To possess both qualities is something rare and wonderful.
I found myself in the presence of not only adoring men but also some very influential women. As one who rarely attempted, gained or retained any close ties with women, this was a refreshing and uplifting experience. Women who are like-minded and non judgmental towards me are very scarce. Females always come across to me as threatened to some degree. It may very well be my aura and the highly sexual vibe others claim I ooze. I have never completely figured out why some, and yet not all, women feel this way. I do tend to magnetize towards testosterone and make no attempt to conceal who I am, nor do I put on appearances and cater to weaker insecure personalities. Nevertheless, the women I found myself in company with were perfectly suited to my whimsical, and sometimes erratic personality. I cared not what they thought of me, I was simply being me, and no one could stand in my way.
“The beauty of womanhood is boundless.”
One of these women happened to be one of my mother’s friends. We were introduced within weeks of her separation from her husband and subsequent filing for divorce. Coincidentally, this occurred in the same month I had filed for divorce. Both of our husbands were Fijian and we had both been with our husbands for 13 years, bearing beautiful children as our gifts. This friendship proved to be a strength to us both I believe. We saw eye to eye on most everything and were for the most part, inseparable. We would spend countless weekends together during our corresponding divorce proceedings, sharing our stories of long-suffering and final resolution. Hours filled with laughter, wine, vodka tonics, in the comfort of her abode or out on the town espousing characteristics of free women. Finding solace in the company of another, a lifeline was born.
“Nevertheless, the women I found myself in company with were perfectly suited to my whimsical, and sometimes erratic personality. I cared not what they thought of me, I was simply being me, and no one could stand in my way.”
This appeared in an unusual manner from what I had grown accustomed to, a woman of like mind rather than a man trying to gain a foot hold. It was refreshing and comforting to realize that I was capable of meeting and establishing long-lasting, meaningful relationships with my dreaded foe: the female species. According to my ex husband, any women friendly with me were lesbians, and all men were only wanting sex. This mentality astounded me and left me questioning all of my friendships at an attempt to gather proof and verification that he was wrong in his conclusion. Was it true that I had nothing to offer? Nothing to bring to the table as far as friendship went? Was I that dull and boring of a person that only my physical appearance could maintain any semblance of desirability? After all the years I had been married and told myself there was more to his determination to stay together, it all became painfully clear that he must be speaking from his own experience with me. If not, how could he be so sure in order to make such a stark statement? This realization cemented in my mind the execution of my break out and emancipation.
“It was refreshing and comforting to realize that I was capable of meeting and establishing long-lasting, meaningful relationships with my dreaded foe: the female species.”
Another such fated friendship came about in such perfect sequence that it had to have also been orchestrated. The Universe saw fit, and delivered. After having an unassisted home childbirth with my last child, I joined an online group on a one a popular social networking sites. It wasn’t long afterwards that I acquired a friend request from a young and attractive woman who was also a member of the group. I was fairly new to the whole idea of unassisted childbirth. Having only researched it for the months of my pregnancy, I was fascinated by the stories and experiences of other liberated women. I accepted the friend request, further sending a message of introduction and questions regarding her experience, and so forth. At the time, I was encountering trouble acquiring a birth certificate because of a bunch of red tape, and knowing of someone who had been through an unassisted childbirth yet managed to obtain the certificate for her child, was encouraging.
“Finding solace in the company of another, a lifeline was born.”
It wasn’t tense or uneasy meeting face to face for we both had a sense of destiny and excitement. Life had indeed delivered and our connection was instantaneous. Following this initial introductory meeting, we frequently got together either at my home or at some vibrant venue where we shared our lives and encouraged each other on our personal journeys. Our feelings of liberation were immense, opportunity limitless. Each time we connected our energy seemed to give off an electrical charge upon contact. Our vision was clearly outlined and expressed freely. Admiration and appreciation flowed and the outcome of our visits were always uplifted spirits.
“Our feelings of liberation were immense, opportunity limitless. Each time we connected our energy seemed to give off an electrical charge upon contact.”
At first glance you can’t always fathom the similarities you may have with another human being without further exploration. Once unearthed, these similarities can become the very stimulant necessary for your own personal development. By witnessing potential in another, you begin to search your own growth and direction and thus begin the blueprint for embarking on projects or personal improvement in whatever shapes or forms they may be. Epiphanies seemed to be imploding within our skulls. Ideas were playing themselves out in our very existence. Things out of our control and previous grasp and attention, due to our circumstantial life placement and lack of experience, were now permeating our existence. Now past and present occurrences displayed depth and reason, having their secrets previously locked away, we had caught a mere glimpse of greater workings.
Workings in our lives that couldn’t be explained as coincidence, chance or luck.